


Kids Say the Darnedest Things

by CocoaMoon



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoaMoon/pseuds/CocoaMoon
Summary: Spider-Man walks a less than grateful kid home
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on FanFiction.Net a long time ago but I super don’t like publishing there because I have a tough time with the formatting. I’m sure it’s all user error.
> 
> This has a second part that I may or may upload tonight too.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy 🤗

Peter thwipped through his city, patrolling as usual. He was distracted when he spotted a familiar mass of chocolate curls.

“It’s already 2?” He asked aloud.

“Yes, Peter. It is 2:09pm. It would appear she is on her way home from preschool.” Karen’s voice came. Peter groaned as he got a better look at the girl. Then he swung down next to her.

“Young lady, you really shouldn’t walk and read. It’s dangerous and somebody could take you while you were distracted.” The girl gave him a withering glance. 

“I wanna see the bum who’d dare. And plus, I’m not distracted. I even heard you coming.” The four-year-old missed the eye roll behind the mask. She was sooo her mother’s daughter.

“That is so not the point. I didn’t want to scare you!”

“I’m not scared of anything. Except clowns. They’re not right.”Peter stifled a snort.

“What’s your name?” She considered him for a bit then replied.

“You can call me LC. I was named after a famous general and the first black woman to run for president for the Democratic Party.” Peter was slightly surprised. She only let people kinda close to her call her by that. “You know my family. My daddy works at Stark Enterprises. I met some Avengers at Morgan Stark’s last birthday party. You weren’t there.”

Peter laughed nervously. “Yeah, I couldn’t make it.” Well, not as Spider-Man at least. He cleared his throat and changed the subject.“Well, LC I’m going to walk you home so you can read all you want.” She weighed her options internally before nodding and grabbing hold of his hand.

“I live on Avenger Avenue in the red house.” She informed him but it was almost like she was telling a taxi driver. As she looked back down at her book, Peter realized she was going to entirely rely on him to get her home. He gave a weary sigh. This girl was going to add grey hairs to his head. They walked in companionable silence as he guided her through the streets. Luckily, it was only a few blocks, which was the main reason her mom wanted her to attend that preschool. She wanted to raise all of her children to be independent and figured letting her walk four blocks would be good for her. Especially, since the city had its own personal superhero to keep an eye out for her to silently watch over her walk home.

They approached the house and he nudged the young girl next to him. “Is this it, LC?” He asked, feigning ignorance. She looked up and nodded her confirmation. They walked up the stoop together. LC handed him her book with a ‘hear, hold this’ as she got the key secured to her backpack. However, the door opened before she could get it fully in hand.

MJ looked blankly from her daughter, then to Spider-Man, then back to her daughter. She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe.“What did you do to get a superhero to escort you home?”

LC blushed a bit and stalled with an ‘ummm’ as she ducked pass her mom into the house. Peter handed her the copy of Trumpet of the Swans. “She was walking and reading.” MJ snapped to the girl. 

“Leia Chisholm Parker! What did I tell you about walking and reading when you’re by yourself?!”

“Well she is your daughter,” Peter mumbled from behind her. 

MJ turned her silent glare to him before she rounded back on the child.“No tv time tonight!”

Her little face was aghast and her own tiny frog mouth pouted. “But Mom! Daddy and I were gonna finish Doctor Who Season 3 tonight!”

MJ smirked at the masked super in the doorframe. “Oh and look, there’s your dorky contribution,” she remarked lowly— and knew him enough to know there was a glare there— before addressing her daughter again. “You can tell him exactly why you can’t finish it tonight when he gets home from work.”

“Aw man!” She sulked on the way to her room. “Uncle Loki was right. Heroes are nothing but narcs and goody-goodies.”

MJ put a hand to her mouth to stifle a snort. Peter stared after her with his wide-eyed astonishment reflected on the mechanical whiteness.

“My own child called me a narc.”

“And a goody-goody.” Karen added unhelpfully.

“It was your idea to let the god of chaos babysit,” Peter childishly accused his wife. She smiled triumphantly.

“I claim all credit for that idea.”


	2. 67% Sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ was used to waking up in the middle of the night to Peter staring at the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wouldja look at that? The girl can say a thing and then do it.
> 
> What a concept✨

MJ was used to waking up in the middle of the night to Peter staring at the ceiling. But never with such a pouty face, frowning at the vaulted beams with a sulky air.

“‘S’wrong,” MJ muttered as she reached for him. The look barely softened as he met her hand. “Dream?”

He sighed. “Yeah. The worst dream like ever.”

To add some levity, she sleepily quipped, “About Flash catching us having sex?”

Peter groaned. “I had to live through that nightmare, even my subconscious doesn’t wanna rehash that.”

“You were secretly delighted by his horrified expression afterwards, though.”

It was silent for a beat or two before Peter reluctantly assented. “Yeah, I was.”

“What’d you dream about, Tiger?”Peter huffed out a disgruntled puff. 

“You’re gonna laugh at me.”

“Do I ever find anything funny when I wake up before the sun?”

He scoffed but continued. “So you know how we’ve been debating on how to tell LC you’re pregnant?”

“Wouldn’t call it a debate, we’ve only known like four days.”

“Anyway, I dreamt we just sat her down and told her—.”

“—which is practical because this doesn’t require fanfare and planning to the degree Pinterest and Parkers make it seem.”

“— and the conversation is basically like the one me and you had in Prague.” It’s silent for a few beats in the room.

Then MJ’s hazy brain finally lands on what he means. Her guffaws startle him but his indignation quickly swells at her howling amusement.

“It’s not funny!” Peter rants. “We sit her down and say ‘We have something to tell you, sweetheart,’ and she just says ‘I know. You’re Spider-Man,’ and you’re over there laughing — JUST LIKE NOW— and I say ‘what how did you know’ and she says ‘wait, I’m right? I was only 67% sure’ and I was so mad that I literally woke myself up because I was not gonna watch the rest of that secondhand embarrassment!”

MJ simply continues to die of laughter as her husband fumes.

One day he’s gonna get respect from the Parker women in his own damn house.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr if you care? I probably won’t be posting anything that I publish here on it because boy am I good at doing things half-way.
> 
> cocoamoonmalfoy 😘


End file.
